As time passes and a “New” year means a “New” beginning”, I look at the process that takes us here. The past year has given me a clarity that is new and exciting and my emotions run high. Deep grief and pain linger but emerge as authenticity and truth to self and to our family as well as those whom I consider my true friends. The decisions I make today in a state of turbulent change triggers anxiety yet also an essence of hope and blossoming within my soul and a “knowing” that brings calm grace, forgiveness and hope. I have a “New” look. I have a “New” vision.
Someone asked me recently, “Isn’t it hard to see your kids move out and leave? My immediate response was “No, it isn’t a problem.” Then I began to ponder, why I had that quick response and whether I still feel this way.
A child leaving the nest is precarious. As a parent, you wish them well and you hope their dreams come true. You also know that they will be making mistakes and choosing their own path full of the many lessons that will form and shape who they are on top of the layers that have been the foundation of where they are now.
Rachel is moving to Brisbane next week and she is organized and prepared and has worked hard to get here. Josh left home and moved to Brisbane a few years ago and it didn’t feel like this was such a big deal because I was ready at the time. Perhaps I am ready for Rachel to move on too, but it feels a bit more fragile. A heart being tugged is also more open and fragile. Wounds that have healed leave scars upon my heart that give way to new ways and stronger boundaries to what once were more fluid and open. My tears are cleansing and their trails leave a path to my soul that is so full of Love for my children. May their path be filled with delight and wonder.
It is time to find my own way and may this way guide me to be the best I can be in this world. Change is good and the world is my oyster. I am ready to grab that pearl.