Today, I begin a “Serial Post” in a 3 part series. I write about loss. What does it mean? How does it feel? Is it simple or complex? I suppose that depends on the perception and level of importance we hold, in terms of what it is that we have lost. I could write about the keys I lose daily! Or, I could write of the feeling of loss when someone dies. These are both losses yet very different in terms of the anxieties that they produce from one side of the spectrum to the other.
An 18-year-old girl was shot and killed in the small town of Half Moon Bay Ca. USA, where my daughters were born. A young life is lost in a disconnected world. Yet, disconnected? In our lovely old hometown; how could this be? When I think of this small community south of San Francisco, I see a peaceful and warmly welcoming town that grows by huge numbers once a year during Pumpkin Festival weekend. I see the winding roads and earth tone hues as the sun sets on the hills. I see the ocean and the views from the bluff tops or a path, climbing steeply to the top where everything blends into one picturesque landscape. I see eucalyptus trees and horses. I see a multicultural community and the arts. I see my friends but I do not see violence!
Five years ago, we left this small community. Our family was relocating to the Sunshine Coast of Australia, where we remain. Rex was already living in Australia and he returned to spend Christmas with the family one more time. We traveled south to LA. As my heart was ripped to shreds and lay scattered in pieces as we said our goodbyes, I knew this would be the last time I would see my friend Evan. He would not live to see our return visit last year. The “Full Monty” cast were connected and tight and as we sang our parting karaoke songs, the memories are like footprints in my mind. We had to start fresh again and none of us were quite ready to leave. Josh was in love for the first time. Rachel was leaving the “Odyssey” community, Shakespearean drama leading her. Sarah was still connected to the horses at Square Peg and uncertain and reticent of the new journey before us. Our immediate family were being left behind and the grandfather that decided he was too angry and “not ready” to see us before we left, remains distant and separate from our lives today. The pain of this dug deep. Transition had a grip upon us and we were on a fast train moving forward in a new adventure to Oz. Our hearts remained with the people we loved and cherished. Our bodies moved forward knowing that at this moment, everything was going to change once again in a blink of the eye. Loss, yes, I know loss!
Thus begins the process of this first Chapter Musing as I tell my story. I will probably edit and re-edit and pick it apart in the process, but “loss” is a good way to begin and there is also great gain. You’ll have to read the book when it is finished to get the complete story though. For now, I will ponder the Lost Connection that inspired this post.
What went on in the mind of a girl with a history of depression on this day? Why wasn’t she taking her medicine?? Why did a police officer shoot her fatally? Could it not have been handled differently?? These questions linger. I feel compassion and sadness for the family and a young life lost.
I can’t believe that even in a pocket of paradise, violence and unrest grow. We need to connect more and love more and heal the hurt that exists in our hearts! We need to show kindness and resist judgment. We never know if this moment will be our only chance to turn a frown upside down and make a difference in someone else’s life. Let today be the day this changes one person at a time. If this could happen in Half Moon Bay, then it could happen anywhere that anger lies. We must change our ways for a brighter future ahead.