Feeling restless and without direction, I seek something outside myself to inspire me. I long to travel outside my world and to escape, to a place of peace and quiet yet also full of adventure; to be “in the moment”. I long to be with animals and not people, as people have a way of distracting me and annoying me, especially those I love the most! Having been raised as an only child, I seek refuge and solace when I am rarely alone.
Rex drives off and I am finally alone in the house. I step outside and I breathe deeply. I bring my camera along and take off my necklace and I hang it with the flags in my garden. I take a photo of the Buddha around my neck. This gives me inspiration after a long morning and a week of distraction.
I am a traveler grounded by a loyalty that sets me apart. I care too deeply and I feel too strongly and I yearn for a sense of belonging while feeling lost. This past week, both of my daughters told me that they cared too much and that they wished they could “feel” less and not be so affected by those around them. I feel their pain as I often ask myself that same question. It is easy as a parent to self doubt and to question: Could I have done it better? (I can be the master of this one on a regular basis.) It has been my life’s work, to raise 3 children in a complicated world seeking simplicity and balance. Our lives have never been simple as we are all passionate and dedicated in our interests. When my children are going through a difficult time, I ask myself; “Could I possibly have done more to help give them more resilience? In my open attachment style ways, did I perhaps create an imbalance? Were our moves to much? Could we be different and still be as driven by our passion to make changes and to live authentically together?” I am not sure. Our adventures have provided us with perspective that is different, yet also place us on the outside looking in. We look to “objects” and “others” to bring happiness and hope, yet doesn’t happiness and hope live on because we choose it? If we look outside ourselves and within, perhaps the true answers are there, waiting to be discovered.
What object inspires you? Today’s object that inspires me, is a representation and a memory of a moment in time when a smile crossed my lips. This necklace was given to me by my son and I cherish it and what it represents. This piece of art was created by nature and man from the pinecone footprint of a Santa Cruz Pine tree after a forest fire. It’s cross section was inscribed with love and peace and it is a one of a kind token. I am not per se, a buddhist but I try to practice principals of kindness. (I do not always succeed.) Each day is a new lesson.