This past month has been a month of pondering and fretting and preparing and waiting. We received news of quite a few friends suffering with renewed bouts of cancer and also new diagnosis. I attended Woodford Folk Festival and experienced inner healing and renewed purpose, yet as I heal, I witness suffering and pain in those I love and it breaks my heart. The ugly cancer demon lives within quite a few of my friends and I ask why? I light my candles daily and the house shines with their intent.
The lighting of a candle means different things to different people. To me, it represents peace, health, release and energy. I often light a candle with intention as I try to imagine that this moment passes through the Universe and touches those that need it the most.
Today my candle is focused for Evan, my dear friend who has had brain surgery once again and come out with a less than promising prognosis. I feel shocked and I want to wish it all away. Nowadays, you can learn something in a moment through social networking and support can fly around the world in a matter of moments. That moment in time can change your wishes for the day and forever forward. I am not sure if this candle I light is just for Evan and Lisa and little Aidan or to calm me as well, because only 3 years ago we celebrated and believed that the tumor was really gone forever! Even after this last surgery in December, I felt hopeful and relieved that he came through the surgery in similar fashion to last time around. I am grateful for the 3 years that he was given but I wish for him to have more. I wish for his family to have more time together. More memories are yet to be made and cherished in their lives. It is so unfair to have this time stolen from such a beautiful brave soul!
I remember the time we went to see the dvd of our show and how Aidan took his first step. I remember the
late night converstaions and love that passed through our little theatre family. The gardens that grew and the laughter we shared gave me support in the trying times ahead in discovering a new land. They were like a soft pillow to fall upon and bring a smile to my face when I felt far away and alone. These people forever imprinted on my heart as I journeyed on.
I so clearly remember the state of mind that I was in as I was about to embark on another worldly journey and relocate once again. I felt overwhelmed and overcome with emotion as once again we said goodbye to close friends and family. We were in Cameron’s Pub in Half Moon Bay, CA USA. It was December 2008, and my closest friends were wishing us well and sending us along in karaoke style. Our wonderful cast from “The Full Monty” at Coastal Repertory Theater were together once again and I felt so honored to have so many beautiful people in my life. Evan walked through the door freshly out of hospital and sporting a Frankenstein scar across his shaved head. He smiled and lit up the whole room! I cried with joy and hugged him tight, so grateful for his presence and for his life! He jumped onstage and sang and danced with his beautiful wife, Lisa and I couldn’t stop the tears from flowing from the utter joy of his amazing self. We spent the night singing and dancing and treasuring the time we had. I felt so honored to receive so much love.
Now, I sit in the misty heat of the day in Australia far away with candle burning brightly beside me, once again overwhelmed and overcome but not for myself and I feel so helpless. There is not much that I can do in this rollercoaster ride my friends are on at the other side of the world other than wish and hope. I can connect through skype and all the electronic wonders of the world and keep informed. This does make me feel near yet far. Our connection is still strong and I give all of my energy and what courage I can muster to my beautiful friend. If wishes were miracles, then I give the gift of life to you, Evan and hold my intent on a miracle. I love you with all my heart.