Garden of Life










I have always been a dreamer!  Tonight my dream has been rolling around my head and this dream has been interrupting my day. I am living it! Dreams take us to spirit and depth within our souls. They take us deep into the woods where we can contemplate the fabric of our life with the silence and the abundance in nature. Tonight it is dark and late and yet there is still a garden alive and well within the night.Tiny little native bush rats explore the construction zone of what will soon be the pool missing for the past 6 months in our new home. They grace us with their hopping back and forth across the footpath, mini little kangaroo like rats and seemingly unafraid despite my alert dog who cannot understand why they are beyond her reach! Fascinating! The bush behind and surrounding my house, brings the many sounds of the natural world and they draw me closer regularly. Possums on the roof by night and abundant bird life by day, they all  keep me alert and aware. There is balance and co-existence.

There is much that I do not understand and this has led some to think me naive. This is far from truth. I see the full picture and I work to change things for the better. My mantra is a question of “what is best….. for my family, my friends, the wildlife, etc… I am just baffled by the corruption and greed that defies the true human spirit and gets in the way. It is painful and causes my heart to ache for those who are seemingly always in pain yet seem to care very little. Is any of it worth losing what is our most precious resource, life? I don’t think so.

I have lived here for 3 years and this wild land has fascinated and intrigued me. I have accomplished much but there is so much more within me that I would like to share if given the chance. The people have shown me that many live a guarded and walled life here whilst claiming it is “all good”. Community exists but within reason. There is structure. There are rules. I tend to go beyond them. Few take the risk of being hurt to break free from the masks they live behind. True communication and honesty live behind the facade of the corporate stucture or the ego. Business and management of people become the key rather than collaborative effort, connection and respect. That is why people burn out.  My dream is to change this and create a connection between people so that they will support each other. I am hopeful and don’t give up. I wish to be a part of the change and not the status quo. When there is a common goal then small differences should not alter the ability to come together for that goal.  The question is “how can we accomplish the goal despite the differences and work together as a whole? We can rally and connect and inter connect and our garden grows.

My garden is full and abundant. I have a beautiful family. I have friends. I have wildlife. I have theatre and music and song.  I have wonderful people in my life near and far. Some are fighting battles that I can only imagine and they are brave and strong. Their gardens right now need tenderness and care. When animals surround me daily,  I am reminded of balance.  When no balance exists such as for the  koalas and the other species living in this amazing eco-system they call home, then we have to look at the root cause of this problem.  A friend recently thought to create a Coat of Arms with Cats and Cane Toads to show the lack of respect that the Australian Government has shown the land yet another reminded me that it is not the cats and cane toads but the humans and $$ that truly would show the truth behind the problem. How do we save the beloved icon I call my friend, the koala, when greed and power take over? By sheer connection and persistance, that is how. We just have to keep fighting the fight.

My dear friend Evan has lost his battle with cancer and now another, Andrew recovers from extensive surgery. Both of these men have influenced my life and the many lives they touch through theatre. From one end of the world to another, the simplicity of a burning flame reminds me of their strength and love. Daily I hear of others fighting this horrible disease. Another friend just completed a series of radiation treatments and has had to endure the pain and side effects of treatment.  Hope, strength and direction comes from within and from the support of those that love them.  I cannot even imagine the battles fought internally to gather the strength required but they are an example to us all. I share a hug and tell them I care.

I tend to the animals with a patience and reverence that sometimes goes beyond what most would understand, but they talk back and  they trust me through their calm spirits. A koala in your presence can stop time. I have learned this as a volunteer at the Wildlife Hospital at Australia Zoo yet I think I have always known this through my connection to animals wild and domestic, great and small. A koalas spirit can teach you what true connection means because the rest of the world becomes silent around you when connected. Breathing rates complement each other and a direct peace ensues. There is a mutual respect and trust. It takes time and patience.  Those that spend time with animals, especially wild animals learns this quickly and is ever vigilent if connected. This is an absolute gift and a treasure. There is an awe that is utterly inexplicable.

Whether you connect to the human spirit or the animal world, may your connection be deep and meaningful.

As the rain falls and my son sings his pain away at losing our dear friend, I am reminded of why I believe we should live each and everyday, fully embracing the ups and downs and being authentic to who we truly are. Ego, building walls and hiding from our truths does not support the passion that lives within each of us. Humility, community and openness does. In planting our garden we often need to tend to the weeds that wrap around our core to find us immobilized. When we weed our garden of life, there is room for growth.  We reap the harvests of our efforts through love and care and it returns with a simple smile everyday.


Cancer Candles and Connection

This past month has been a month of pondering and fretting and preparing and waiting. We received news of quite a few friends suffering with renewed bouts of cancer and also new diagnosis. I attended Woodford Folk Festival and experienced inner healing and renewed purpose, yet as I heal, I witness suffering and pain in those I love and it breaks my heart. The ugly cancer demon lives within quite a few of my friends and I ask why? I light my candles daily and the house shines with their intent.

The lighting of a candle means different things to different people. To me, it represents peace, health, release and energy.  I often light a candle with intention as I try to imagine that this moment passes through the Universe and touches those that need it the most.

Today my candle is focused for Evan, my dear friend who has had brain surgery once again and come out with a less than promising prognosis. I feel shocked and I want to wish it all away. Nowadays, you can learn something in a moment through social networking and support can fly around the world in a matter of moments. That moment in time can change your wishes for the day and forever forward. I am not sure if this candle I light is just for Evan and Lisa and little Aidan or to calm me as well, because only 3 years ago we celebrated and believed that the tumor was really gone forever! Even after this last surgery in December, I felt hopeful and relieved that he came through the surgery in similar fashion to last time around. I am grateful for the 3 years that he was given but I wish for him to have more. I wish for his family to have more time together. More memories are yet to be made and cherished in their lives. It is so unfair to have this time stolen from such a beautiful brave soul!

I remember the time we went to see the dvd of our show and how Aidan took his first step. I remember the

late night converstaions and love that passed through our little theatre family. The gardens that grew and the laughter we shared gave me support in the trying times ahead in discovering a new land. They were like a soft pillow to fall upon and bring a smile to my face when I felt far away and alone. These people forever imprinted on my heart as I journeyed on.

I so clearly remember the state of mind that I was in as I was about to embark on another worldly journey and relocate once again. I felt overwhelmed and overcome with emotion as once again we said goodbye to close friends and family. We were in Cameron’s Pub in Half Moon Bay, CA USA. It was December 2008, and my closest friends were wishing us well and sending us along in karaoke style. Our wonderful cast from “The Full Monty” at Coastal Repertory Theater were together once again and I felt so honored to have so many beautiful people in my life. Evan walked through the door freshly out of hospital and sporting a Frankenstein scar across his shaved head. He smiled and lit up the whole room! I cried with joy and hugged him tight, so grateful for his presence and for his life! He jumped onstage and sang and danced with his beautiful wife, Lisa and I couldn’t stop the tears from flowing from the utter joy of his amazing self.  We spent the night singing and dancing and treasuring the time we had. I felt so honored to receive so much love.

Now, I sit in the misty heat of the day in Australia far away with candle burning brightly beside me, once again overwhelmed and overcome but not for myself and I feel so helpless. There is not much that I can do in this rollercoaster ride my friends are on at the other side of the world other than wish and hope. I can connect through skype and all the electronic wonders of the world and keep informed. This does make me feel near yet far. Our connection is still strong and I give all of my energy and what courage I can muster to my beautiful friend. If wishes were miracles, then I give the gift of life to you, Evan and hold my intent on a miracle. I love you with all my heart.