Midnight in a Jacaranda


FullSizeRender-3Lately it has been cold and Midnight likes to find a warm place to lie in the sun and soak up that vitamin D without a GSD in his face so he is getting creative.

Vincent Van Gogh went to Wunderdogs where he will socialize with his friends and come home one exhausted teenager (this really helps with the naughty escapes he has been cleverly achieving!)

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Cookie has some one on one time with me going for a walk at the beach and lounging in the sun with a bone (again – no naughty teenager to steal it away even though he has his own!)

IMG_3153Then there is Angel who lounges from one laundry pile to another whilst Midnight looks for that perfect spot. Today that spot was high in a Jacaranda tree like a black panther!

I hear barking and go out to find Midnight meowing hideously at the top of a tree over 10 metres up! Cookie remains at the base of the tree telling him to come down very vocally and we begin to call that petrified cat as he negotiates “how”. He is afraid to come down and requires a little coaxing but is eager to reunite with his humans. He jumps from tree to tree. He slides down the stringy bark and flips around backing up until he can feel my hand. He meows! He jumps to safety and darts into the house with Cookie quick on his tail!

He is now grounded and attached to the table whilst I fold the never-ending laundry pile purring gratefully to be home.

All in the Animal Adventures at the Halverson’s❤

A Gentle Reminder is Often Requires. Check out this great post!


What to do when your life a mess. ‘Mind is King’ is a useful slogan to remember when everything is in a real mess. When life gets difficult, we can easily get overwhelmed, stressed or totally captured by our emotions to such an extent that we can’t find a way out. The world can feel as…

via What to do when your life a mess? Happiness Hint: Mind is King. — Tahlia Newland

Hang in there!

Letting Go


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As time passes and a “New” year means a “New” beginning”, I look at the process that takes us here. The past year has given me a clarity that is new and exciting and my emotions run high. Deep grief and pain linger but emerge as authenticity and truth to self and to our family as well as those whom I consider my true friends. The decisions I make today in a state of turbulent change triggers anxiety yet also an essence of hope and blossoming within my soul and a “knowing” that brings calm grace, forgiveness and hope. I have a “New” look. I have a “New” vision.

Someone asked me recently, “Isn’t it hard to see your kids move out and leave? My immediate response was “No, it isn’t a problem.” Then I began to ponder, why I had that quick response and whether I still feel this way.

A child leaving the nest is precarious. As a parent, you wish them well and you hope their dreams come true. You also know that they will be making mistakes and choosing their own path full of the many lessons that will form and shape who they are on top of the layers that have been the foundation of where they are now.

Rachel is moving to Brisbane next week and she is organized and prepared and has worked hard to get here. Josh left home and moved to Brisbane a few years ago and it didn’t feel like this was such a big deal because I was ready at the time. Perhaps I am ready for Rachel to move on too, but it feels a bit more fragile. A heart being tugged is also more open and fragile. Wounds that have healed leave scars upon my heart that give way to new ways and stronger boundaries to what once were more fluid and open. My tears are cleansing and their trails leave a path to my soul that is so full of Love for my children. May their path be filled with delight and wonder.

It is time to find my own way and may this way guide me to be the best I can be in this world. Change is good and the world is my oyster. I am ready to grab that pearl.

 

Memories and Trust


 

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A year ago, I hugged you for the last time and little did I know that your light and the warmth of that hug would have to stay within me as a memory, a smile and a footprint upon my heart. I see that smile as though it were yesterday. I see it in the life events that you will not witness or share with my daughter. The pain is fresh. Your eyes sparkle.

Tears flow in our collective hug this morning. Today we wave our children goodbye once again and you are not there. Others are missing as well and it is such a shame that they will not be able to experience the healing with you in this week that lies ahead. I wish them strength and courage to step beyond their fear. Our children will not be far and yet every day they will be on our minds. As parents, we will continue our journey and be connected by it all. Where fear could come in, I choose Love and forgiveness and understanding in the aftermath of this tragedy. There lies trust and a tug upon my heart to remember and to honour.

Be well, my beautiful girl and fully embrace the spirit within you. Help others and be helped when you need it. Do not be afraid.

A picture of tiny shoes and those left scattered by the shoe rack remind me of your first steps so long ago and now you are no longer new to this. Tread lightly and leave only footprints behind as they etch a memory upon your camping soul. Remember the man who instilled resilience and courage within. Be present in every moment.

They are watching and the light shines down upon you today and forever. We will be here with the lights on and the candles burning awaiting your return.❤

Looking Out


She seeks but does she find?......

She seeks but does she find?……

Sarah and Vincent share a moment in time

Sarah and Vincent share a moment in time

There comes a time that we seek and look for the greater meaning of our lives. My quest seems to be an ever evolving process that began when I was very young and continues to this day with a yearning to understand more and yet a knowing that is timeless.

This weekend, I witnessed my daughter step into a role that was not originally hers but she did so with ease, grace and passion. Her role as an actress in a play about suicide and depression brought tears to my eyes and a contemplation of what colour would I be if I identified with any?

I came up with black and white and blue. These being the colours of bruising and darkness and contrasting light that have led me to think of this journey I am currently on. Of recent, I have no time for bullshit or false pretences. I seek authenticity in it’s purest form and I am honest with myself and with others. I am moody and restless and yet at times possess an inner calm that is ever so clear. I am setting boundaries and this shift of “me” is difficult for my family. For so long, my bottomless well of empathy and understanding and nurturing care has been my primary focus. However, this role I have been in is shifting and changing. I am no longer the same and I welcome this change.  When I look into the well, I see that it is running dry and that it is time for me to refill it with focus and purpose as I bend and break and re-align myself to what is true within my soul.

It is time to wake up and live to my full potential. The question is there. Now it is time to find the answer. Each moment gives me an opportunity to create the direction and content of each moment. The canvas is blank.

I look to the sea of calm waters to ground me in a world full of chaos and inner turmoil. I cannot fix this world but I can be a better example to inspire and be true to myself. I hold on to hope and trust.

Jump onboard and who knows what journeys lie ahead for us alone and collectively. The world is our oyster ready to birth a pearl!

A Story Begins


As we begin to find new solutions, a story emerges and those involved create a wave of change. I am grateful to be a part of a winning team and a growing collaboration of Koala Advocates that work at being the change we wish to see. Bring it on!🙂

Without Gabbie


Soulmates

Soulmates

As we enter the 11th month of our grief, I feel a collective fragmentation where once there was connection. Tragedy pulls and tugs at the heartstrings amongst us and we return to a place that is forever changed. Life without Gabbie. What does this mean?

On November 28th 2014 our beautiful Sarah lost her soulmate. The beautiful boy that brought laughter and joy and hope to us all, took his last breath beside her in a mini-bus on a rainy afternoon in NZ. Their adventure ended in tragedy through exhaustion and I remember getting that call like it was yesterday. I remember the words spoken amongst parents and children and family and friends, the frantic planning and flights booked in a blanket of shock and denial. These are details that are etched in my mind, raw and fresh. Others fade with time. All are part of my story.

After the accident, we floated through each day in a surreal landscape, riding waves filled with pain and shock and disbelief. We held each other. We cried. It is indescribable. I felt as though I had been punched in the gut and I could not catch my breath. The wind was taken out of my sails. Although I was not in this accident, my body seemed to remember a pain from long ago that led to an understanding that rocked my soul. I too, lost a friend at a young age when he was hit by a drunk driver. My empathy for Sarah came from an inner knowledge buried long ago within my 15 year old self and I identified my own pain alongside hers. What an epiphany! This led to many conversations and questions within. Sometimes these questions came in the middle of the night, sometimes during the day and in time they have become less and less. When they do come, they are hard hitting and sometimes unexpected. I breathe and I sit with it and I send out my Love to the Universe.

When tragedy strikes and we lose someone we love we go into fight or flight mode. We re-evaluate and analyse our life. We ask the “big” questions, or at least that is my experience. Sometimes we get the support we need and other times we have to work through it on our own. Never the less there is no “right” or “wrong” way to do grief. We just do it!

Our daughter is alive and well and thriving despite this great loss and she has matured in so many ways beyond her years. As a mother, I wish I could take all the pain that lingers away but I cannot. Only time can do this. We have a long way to go but we are getting there. We miss you Gabs!